Content to be Uncontented

What does it mean to be contented?

For me, I always thought it meant having everything you could ever want. Like Sharpay’s iconic swimming pool scene. I need. I want. I have.

It meant that you, as a person, had real self-actualized needs and the resources to have every single one of them met and fulfilled, in the fullest sense.

By that definition, I dreamt big. Needs??? I have needs!

I need money.

I need an electric guitar.

I need appreciation.

I need water, shelter, and food.

I need laughter. I need a best friend. I neeeed a Velcro wall and suit like the one’s Amanda Bynes and Frankie Munez used in Big Fat Liar.

Some of those needs were met for me and some of them weren’t. That’s life. (And since I’m an adult now I guess I can buy my own Velcro wall.)

Let’s bring it back to now. Today. As you live and breathe! If you walked right up and asked me the same question, “Hey Mariah, what does it mean to be content?”

“Define contentedness.”

“What is it like to want for nothing? To be perfect and complete? Satisfied and lacking nothing?”

First, I would be blown away by the magnitude and bravery of your question. And then second, after 23 years of life and the culmination of my thoughts and life experiences, I would look you square in the eye and answer you plainly.

“To be content? It is to experience the great anticipation for what’s to come, coupled with the deep gratitude for what currently is.”

I believe that is what it means to be complete. Completely whole. Completely complete. To have something within you that takes up 100% of the available space. To be, “indwelt”… if you will. 😉 Do you get where I’m going here?

And my dudes, that’s not even the whole enchilada!!! There is so much entangled in our sorrows, and our joys and desires in this life! To contemplate what that entails in its entirely?? Sheesh. I don’t know if I will ever grasp at the mystery of knowledge that would be.

What I do think, though with my human sized brain, is that I really do crave to be whole. At the end of the day, when I’m settling in the familiar feeling of my colds sheets and whiskers snuggled near my toes… I want to feel full. Full of joy, gratitude, wisdom, sorrow, love, arrogance, kindness and hate. Full of all of the polar opposites. All of the divine. All of the wretched. The abundant life and the tragic death.

It will never be enough to settle for a less purposeful life for me. If there is more to this, I gotta have it. Like Sharpay, but less like an evil dictator. Don’t get me wrong – I still crave to have my needs filled, I’ve just don’t crave to be filled by temporary fixes as much anymore. I’m really for lasting fullness. The kind the only comes from committing to life and living with intention to really fucking living it.

So fuck, guys. Let’s be whole! Let’s grieve and worry and be filled to the brink with sorrow. And let’s party, and laugh, and experience all the best this life has to offer. Yes, we can rejoice that there is better coming and we can see the glimpses of its awe and splendor. And YET, at the same exact time there is so much to see and to love
and to hate and in the right now.

Cmon now!!! Walk with me!

In 50 BC, there was a man named Paul. We’ll call him Paulito. He wrote down some words. He wrote, “Instead-” Stop. Instead of what? A little context shows us that Paulito is saying , “Hey, don’t be surprised that you’re drowning in sorrow, alright? Keep your eyes up and open. This isn’t new or strange. You know what you should do instead?”

“Rejoice.”

“…be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.”

¿Porqué no los doś?

If we’re going to live, let’s live hard. And if we’re going to die, let’s make it worth it I guess.

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